Well, I guess to actually start, I found this old book lying around, no writing in it. Books have a charm to them, and even though this one has certainly seen its days, I felt bad seeing it sitting there useless. I decided to ask if it had a purpose. Seems like the men of the Shadows here were kind enough to let me have it, otherwise it would have been left here for who knows how long again. Baulder’s mentioned he keeps records of his events, a diary of sorts, though I’ve never seen him carrying a book. Oh well, a book works just as well.
I don’t think I’ve ever kept a proper journal like this, how sad it’s first days are seen in a worn town such as where we’re at now, and our group in the disarray it’s in.
And all in one day too…how does so much go wrong. This town has had me on edge ever since we arrive, between being forced to pray to the very White Lord our group travels to put a stop to, nearly causing a scene because of it….and watching another burning…
Why is it I can’t bring myself to face these men anymore…I’ve set my life to helping those who need it, and yet when someone needed me most, I couldn’t even move. I’ve seen men suffering from the shock of great trauma, even years after it happens. It’s almost shameful, I fear that event in Norsoon may have left a greater mark than I thought.
I just…watched. I watched a man’s life taken, and I saw my friends from Norsoon burned instead. I felt myself move to help them, but my body remained where it was. I could hear the flames…and then it was just Baulder. I guess I had blanked out, because he was carrying me back to the cellar when I had any sense back. Once again, he’s the one who gets me to move…every time I see these men, every time I remember Norsoon, why is it him that can bring me back.
Amben, too, the two of them accompanied me while I was in a less than graceful state. No words could express my gratitude, though I don’t believe I grasped quite everything that was said.
And then Mamori. I could hear her through our pin. Er, a gift from Nathaniel (sort of…they were recovered from the prison we were in), it allows the holders of the three pins to speak to one another from a distance. Mamori seemed as lost as I was, though in a different state of mind. Isto took the third pin and tried to help, she was far gone though. I don’t believe even my words helped.
Though I think Amben’s did, and Baulder’s. I may have accidentally activated my pin while the two of them were speaking to me, but their words applied to Mamori as well…I think it helped. She came back, but I could tell she was still hurting.
She did return, and by whatever grace I can thank, she allowed me to speak with her alone. I could see the pain, alongside my own. I just hope she truly took what I said to heart. I did my best, to explain what I thought she needed to hear, I just don’t want my own confusion to bleed through.
And that’s what it is, it seems…confusion…